If you are job searching, it is scary to turn down a role.
It often means you are starting from scratch in your search and don’t have anything to feel optimistic/excited about.
But as this article explains, you need to have the filter and courage to decline roles that aren’t the right fit (and do this right when you know). If it is not a “hell YES” then it is a NO.
Know your criteria
You should have clear filter criteria for your next role. We don’t recommend too many criteria - focus on just 2-3 or you may find yourself too picky. Some criteria to think about include:
Understand what roles and companies you are focused on
Know the types of organizational structures and leadership that fit well for you
Be clear on which locations work and don’t (remote, hybrid, in-person, travel expectations)
Know what level and compensation you are willing to accept
What type of culture are you seeking
Operating model and routes to market
If a role is a small stretch and you know you are a preferred candidate, feel comfortable talking with the hiring manager to see if they can adjust to fit your criteria - often for great candidates companies will uplevel a role. But for many things like location, these aren’t flexible.
If an opportunity doesn’t fit your criteria, it is hard to say no but if you don’t you can waste lots of cycles on roles that you wouldn’t accept anyway. Here are some great quotes from Whispered members to help you have the courage to pass on roles you know aren’t a fit.
“From my perspective having the courage to turn down one when you don’t have the next one is tough, but valuable to know your criteria and not go too deep on the opportunity that won’t be a fit”
“I think, for me at least, it is the fear of "what if this was the last one" that gets to me afterward. I was having dinner with someone recently who just posted about his imposter syndrome, and it made me think about how I view my own.”
“Earlier the better, it’s like a sales cycle. Got to remind yourself that it’s a 2-way interview. The deeper you get into the process the more you get to “try on” the culture and role. Don’t settle. You know that this will be your work “family” for years to come.”
How to decline a role
How you decline a role matters too. Here are some tips:
Do it early and be clear on the reason: Companies respect if you are clear in your criteria, but if you wait until very late in the process it can burn relationships with the recruiter and company.
Refer others: If you are searching collaboratively (like Whispered) offering up a candidate who may be a better fit is a great way to politely withdraw
“Usually if I back out I do it gently enough that I could refer someone else or open the process again. I have done that for a job I accepted too. The goal is always leaving with “let’s stay friends”
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